Now What?

Well I was right. Memorial Day = bad news. As was expected, of course.

I'm back in Nashville now ... but I'm not really sure how long I will be here. I have horrible feelings of not being wanted / accepted, etc., and I just do not know. Things never really got resolved when I left in May - and I don't feel like they ever will, resulting in things never being the same.

My mom keeps telling me that God only gives us what we can handle - well I sure feel like I can't handle anymore, yet it just keeps coming. I can't really figure out what I've ever done to deserve crap like this - I was never a bad kid or teenager. Yeah I may have mouthed off here or there, but most parents would have killed for a teenager like me, never getting in trouble, not drinking, you get the idea.

I just ask why. Why, why why?

:(

Welcome Home

I've been home for the past twelve days; and in ten I will be heading back to Tennessee. As much as I wish I could say this trip has been relaxing, it really hasn't. Not that I've been super busy - because that isn't the case. My mind hasn't stopped racing. There's so much going on that I don't even know where to start trying to sort through everything up there.

It probably doesn't help that I do not have one person I can be 100% completely open with - no matter how hard I try. It seems like I can tell someone 90% of what's on my mind, but that last 10% always remains locked inside - and it's different for different people. Well for the most part. There's about 5% of stuff I keep locked in, which is more than likely the 5% I need to talk about the most.

Blah? This weekend is going to be long ... and Memorial Day is on Monday. I can not for the life of me figure out why I always end up extremely pissed off on Memorial Day, the 4th of July and Labor Day, but it is a guarantee. Oh the joy.

Most Expensive Chicken Nuggets Anywhere

On Monday, CMT had well taken over campus for the CMT Awards to be held that night; consequently altering our food services & inconveniencing us. But whatever. I stopped at Chick-Fil-A and grabbed lunch before heading into work.

Something in my jaw went crazy while I was eating and all of a sudden I had not one, but two chipped teeth from the chicken. Oh how lovely.

Tuesday afternoon I went to the dentist, and $400 later, I had my teeth x-rayed and filed down so I could live with them until I go home in May.

So there you have it - $400 chicken nuggets. I wouldn't suggest you try them at home.

Evaluations

With certain courses this semester, I am forced to complete evaluations on my fellow group members, my professor and myself. And with everything else I have been struggling with lately, from friends to family, I really to re-evaluate those people I do have in my life.

I'm going to put some serious consideration into the relationships I have with various people in my life. Some have caused me nothing but heartache in recent months, and I can absolutely not deal with that anymore. I need to become a stronger person, and if that means limiting the people I let get close to me, then so be it.

And to all the guys out there - treat girls with respect. Don't play mind games with them or confuse them with your actions whether it be intentionally or unintentionally. Just think about it - would you want your mother or sister treated that way? Didn't think so.

Life is a Struggle

Like, a really really hard struggle. And this struggle is killing me right now. I hate it. I just want to go home so my mom can hug me and make all of my problems go away. Say what you want - she's the only one that is always there for me.

I need to get out of here. The entertainment industry {music industry ... whatever} really messes you up..

36 Hours and 625 Miles Later...

Have you ever been silly stringed by a band? Because today we were.

Lets start from the beginning. Friday afternoon, we set off for Chattanooga for The Heart Support tour featuring This Beautiful Republic, Spoken, Falling Up and Family Force 5. The show was overall very entertaining.

But of course, the TBR guys (& stephanie) never let us down. We had a ridiculous amount of stuff in their care package and finally gave it to them, and a guy with Spoken totally took off with the Puppy Chow. Andy chased him down and finally retrieved it. Maria gave Andy a pepper shaker (because he's slightly obsessed). Overall, they are just crazy insane awesome guys. And Ben. Oh Ben. I can't even speak about him anymore.

Then it was off to Steak & Shake. We hung out for about an hour then parted ways with Maria (she was coming back to Nashville). We had an hour drive up to Sweetwater for the hotel. Get there, and its a fight with the clerk to actually get our room. Ugh. Finally got to sleep around 3 am.

We were up and out by 11am. We stopped part of the way up to Johnson City to buy fireworks. Remember that for later. Get to the town around 2? Don't really remember. Its been a long time without good sleep. Randomly walk into the venue, and this guy goes who are you here with. And we go "the band." And he's like "yeah, you girls don't look like high school kids around here." Really? Was it the colored hair and facial piercings that gave it away?

Whatever. Anyways, find Matt from The Afters and he's like "wow! Ya'll are here early." Well, we kinda weren't totally sure if we were gonna be able to get in or not, so yeah. Then Marc comes up and decides to give us a carepackage! Or well, him going into the green room and gathering cookies & waterbottles for us. But still, it was so sweet. Matt tells us to go chill for awhile while they do soundcheck then they'll get us passes for the show.

We wait, then some of them go to find Josh (Havens) and apparently he forgot we were coming? Despite the numerous messages & comments reminding him. Whatev. Get our passes (which are annoyingly large white stickers), but still had V.I.P. and all access on them. SCORE. Given this was basically a private event? Ha, basically.

We take off for the mall to find a dinosaur for Dino-Josh (Muckala). About 15 stores and three hours later, we are back at the venue & successful in finding out dinosaur. We get the care package together but by then they were getting ready to go on. We watched the speaker, who was an insanely cool guy. That was definitely interesting, considering the event was called "Pledge 2 Purity." Finally they came on :) The Afters performed a 45 minute set that included three or four new tracks and a bunch from their first album.

After the show is when it all went down. Basically, we had our own dressing room. It was marked "Women's Restroom / Dressing Room" and its not like there were women working / performing at this event. So, taking advantage of that, we decided to film an episode of our show? Sure. Don't know what name we came up with, but its funny. At one point, I walked out of the room, and Marc (the drummer) comes up to me and hands me one of his drum heads from the night - and it wasn't even ruined! He wrote on it "To The Diehards, We <3 You! Love, The Afters." And of course he had signed it. Seriously, could he be any nicer?! We had the rest of the guys sign it before we left.

We bummed around back there for awhile, and gave Josh (M) his dinosaur which was too funny. We attempted to help them pack their van, but they insisted otherwise. Then, we gave them their care package (which included Puppy Chow, Rice Krispie Treats, cookies & Silly String). And after (ha) much debate, they accepted. We walked up to the top of the venue to load out their merch, and had a competition with the van horn & Moriah's horn on her car. And this is where it gets fun.

They were laughing at how weak it was, as if we could control that. And then, they slowly drive up next to us, with the passenger window down, and Matt and Josh (H) hanging out the front window, and totally cover the car (and Moriah) in silly string! Oh boy was it on. Remember the fireworks earlier in the day? It was a mad dash to find the little poppers (that you throw at the ground and they go POP!). We finally pull up next to them at a light and attack! They totally had no idea what hit them. The look on Josh M's face was priceless! And with that, Josh H began scrambling to find the silly string again. Mark, who was driving, rolls down the window and says "Hey! That's not nice!" And with that, Jessie nails the door frame with one and he totally jumped. Josh H finally gets the silly string and is trying to shoot it out of the driver's window when Mark rejects him by rolling it up. They finally pull away and get the window down and are still shooting it, and its just now flying through the air trailing after the van. Hahahahaha. Oh goodness.

We stopped about 40 minutes later at McDonald's only to find Moriah's back still covered in silly string, along with the back of her car. I started typing this once we were back on the road, and then we see a van & trailer pass us, and we knew it had to be another band. We get up next to them, and scrambled to find a piece of paper & marker and Moriah writes "Who R You?" Ha. We got a weird response, then passed them, then when we slowed down to get next to them, we hold her number up, as the guy in the passenger sear (who we found out to be named Trey) is holding up his cell phone with his number on it to call him. After slight confusion, we found out they are in a big band named Burning Las Vegas. Basically a cover band, but something we are all curious to check out after having some interesting phone conversations with.

Now I'm back in my dorm, getting ready to go meet up with a group for a project this week. Overall, it was a crazy weekend, but I totally loved it. Travel really is amazing and everyone should try it once and awhile ;)

On the Road Again

Tomorrow my friends & I are setting off on a weekend road trip across Tennessee. There's been drama lately ... hopefully we'll all survive the trip.

Friday it's off to Chattanooga to see This Beautiful Republic & Family Force 5. Then we're driving an hour north, staying at a hotel, and finishing the drive Saturday to Johnson City to see The Afters.

600+ miles and over 9 hours in the car in a 36 hour period. Here we go!

Blah ... ?

Even after spending a ton of time with my friends this weekend, I still feel alone.

I don't like feeling alone.

Whoa!

Where has the time gone?! I swear this semester is already flying by ... I can't believe January is almost over! Ahh. School, my internship & work have kept me insanely busy. The past two nights I've spent with friends but it was long overdue. Sometimes I really really need it.

This week will be crazy. I have to meet with two groups for projects, I have a test Wednesday and a 7 page paper due Thursday night. Then next weekend is our mini-road trip :) Yay.

Burning Plastic

Definitely not the most pleasant smelling thing in the world, but what are you going to do? Today my task at the Internship was to laminate the all access passes for the Promoters for the upcoming Stellar Kart Tour. I did about 50 I do believe. Friday will be the band / touring personnel, and of course for us in the office :) Don't even know for sure yet if I'll be able to make it to a show (closest is 3 hours - boo!) but if I do ;)

We'll be doing the Kutless ones probably some time next week. I know I'll be able to see them, as they are playing about 45 minutes away in April. Sweet birthday present to me!

Tonight I'm off to see Through a Glass. Always a pleasure to attend one of their shows!