Welcome Home

I've been home for the past twelve days; and in ten I will be heading back to Tennessee. As much as I wish I could say this trip has been relaxing, it really hasn't. Not that I've been super busy - because that isn't the case. My mind hasn't stopped racing. There's so much going on that I don't even know where to start trying to sort through everything up there.

It probably doesn't help that I do not have one person I can be 100% completely open with - no matter how hard I try. It seems like I can tell someone 90% of what's on my mind, but that last 10% always remains locked inside - and it's different for different people. Well for the most part. There's about 5% of stuff I keep locked in, which is more than likely the 5% I need to talk about the most.

Blah? This weekend is going to be long ... and Memorial Day is on Monday. I can not for the life of me figure out why I always end up extremely pissed off on Memorial Day, the 4th of July and Labor Day, but it is a guarantee. Oh the joy.

Mixed Emotions

Coming home now there are such mixed emotions it seems. I'm definitely excited to see my family after being gone for so long because I know they care and are excited to see me, and be able to do things with me when I'm home. I take for granted how lucky I am/was to grow up with all of my cousins in the same town, and to see them at every holiday and many times in between. Now that I might only see them 4-5 times a year, I try to make them count that much more.

As for my friends, I don't feel a sense of belonging with them anymore. It sucks, especially with friends I've known forever. It may seem like things haven't changed when you're gone ... but don't be fooled. They've changed and so have you. And it'll never be the same.

I have to keep telling myself that ... it'll never be the same.